mama wants more--home

august 15, 2008

I need all of the help I can get
©Stephenie Freeman

I went searching for a new parenting book the other day, specifically one with some discipline tips. The boys are getting older and Time-out isn’t working as well as it used to. At our house Time-out has turned into nothing more than a removal of the child from my presence before I completely lose my mind. It’s more about avoidance than punishment.

I’ve often looked to books for parenting advice. When I became pregnant with my first child, I excitedly went to the book store to buy lots of books on the subject and with each new stage of parenting I’ve continue to do the same. I’m just not as excited about it as I used to be.

Have you ever noticed how many parenting advice books are out there? Just go to any online book store and type in the word “parenting”. When I did a recent search on Amazon.com, there were 92,515 titles. On Barnes and Noble’s online store, there are so many titles they ask you to break the subject down further.

Right off the bat I found a book claiming you’ll “Have a New Kid by Friday.” That definitely sounded too good to be true. There’s also a book titled “Scream-free Parenting.” In my opinion, if you are doing that much screaming at your kids, you probably need a lot more than a 256 page book to help you.

There’s another one called “Playful Parenting.” This book sounded positive, but playing with my kids is easy. It’s the disciplining them that’s hard.

I even found a book called “Self-Parenting: The Complete Guide to Your Inner Conversations.” I have a feeling that book has absolutely nothing to do with raising children. My Inner Child is just fine. It’s the two I gave birth to that are giving me fits.

The more I searched, the more overwhelmed I was with the choices. There were books about guilt-free parenting, confident parenting, effective parenting, and apparently someone has found “The Secret of Parenting.” I didn’t realize there was a secret to parenting. I’ve always found it to be pretty straight forward. Parenting is hard and there are no easy fixes or quick solutions. Period.

I’m sure I would learn something from each of the books I found, but I really don’t have time for all that reading. It doesn’t make much sense to be off reading books about how to be a more effective parent when my children are in the next room trying to figure out how to jump on the bed without getting caught. What I need is a Cliffs Notes book on discipline; a quick and easy read with very little theory and a lot of practical application.

The problem that I have with any parenting book is that I am not going to agree with every little thing that it says. I could read a simple pamphlet-sized book on parenting and I would manage to find something that conflicts with what I believe.

Take dieting books for example. There are millions of them out there, but none contain a fail-safe method guaranteed to give you the results you are looking for. They all sound good when you are standing in the store reading the jacket cover. You shake your head and think, “Yeah, I can do that” only to quickly realize once you get home that it’s just like all of the other dieting books that you already own. They’re all good in theory, but when it comes down to it, you just have to do what works best for you.

I guess that’s a big part of my parenting problem. I haven’t found exactly what works for me yet.

For me, reading a parenting book is less like reading a dieting book and more like flipping through a cookbook. Like different parenting techniques, if it’s an easy recipe that works, I know that I’ll be trying it again. And if I try something that produces disastrous results, well, I’ll simply try something different the next time.

In the meantime, I’ll keep renewing my Barnes and Noble membership. Between all of the dieting, cooking, and parenting books I keep buying, the discount sure comes in handy.

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august 7, 2008

iPods hold the soundtrack of our lives...even for kids
©Stephenie Freeman

The Golfer often comes home from work with small prizes for the kids. Simple things from his office like a new notepad or a bag of M&M’s. But last week he brought home a surprise that even I wasn’t prepared for.

Someone in his office was giving away an old iPod Mini, used but still in perfect working condition. Most people would dismiss an older electronic devise as nothing but junk, but I have my husband trained well in the areas of reusing and recycling and he saw no need to turn away such a fine piece of technology.

We didn’t need another iPod, we already owned two, but when someone offers you a free one, it’s hard to pass it up.

"I thought that we could give it to the Cheese."

Months ago we had discussed getting our young son an iPod. The Cheese loves listening to music, especially jazz. An iPod would avoid the whole scratched CD problem that kept happening, but regardless of the conveniences the idea was quickly dismissed. Our six-year-old had no business owning an iPod, and we weren’t about to become the kind of parents who buy their kids every expensive electronic toy that comes along.

Now right there before us sat a free iPod. A free iPod that we wouldn't flip out over if he broke. A free iPod that was just going to go to waste if someone didn't use it.

“What do you think?” the Golfer asked.

I thought for a moment about what the appropriate parental answer should be, how this might be a good opportunity to teach our child about responsibility, but instead all I could think about was how much our child did not need more technology to occupy his time.

So young, our child is already surrounded by electronics. Santa gave him a Playstation last Christmas and his grandpa recently bought him a Wii because grandparents are known for doing that sort of thing when you aren’t looking. Our son knows how to expertly use the computer and even has his own folder of "favorites.” He’s been asking for a laptop for his room and wants to know how old he has to be to have a phone like Daddy’s.

Did I already mention that he's only six?

We are raising a generation blessed with excess, especially when it comes to technology. We own cars with DVD players. We buy video games for home and for travel. There are televisions and computers in every room in the house. We fill our lives and our homes with enough electronics to furnish a small spacecraft on a mission to Mars and then wonder why our children never want to go outside to play.

I didn’t grow up with nearly as many electronics as my children, but I did have one—a Walkman.

I have many memories of wandering around my backyard listening to Lionel Richie on my Walkman. A brooding pre-teen, I would listen to songs about dancing on the ceiling and ballerina girls, singing to the neighbors, “Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?”

I spent hours and hours listening to music; music that played a major role in the formation of my childhood and adolescents. Why shouldn’t it be the same for my son?

After a quick cleaning and an hour or more downloading all of his favorite jazz CDs and a few favorites of my own, the Cheese’s like-new iPod was ready to go. We gave him a quick lesson on how to use it, which he of course picked right up on, and he disappeared without a sound.

Over an hour had passed since I had seen or heard from my son, and I instantly started to worry that we had made a mistake. I tip-toed up to his bedroom only to find the door closed. Pressing my ear up to the door, I tried to listen before busting in.

All I could hear was a faint voice quietly singing one of the Beatles songs that I had downloaded.

“And while I’m away, I’ll write home every day, and I’ll send all my loving to you.”

As far as I’m concerned, any piece of technology that teaches my child those kinds of lyrics can’t be all bad.